Fat Mom

My 3-year-old son just looked up at me as I was walking up the stairs and yelled, "You're fat mom!" LOL. Being close to 7 mos. pregnant, I can't argue with him.

So here's the deal...

3-year-old annoyed thinking that his big sister took his treat to school for snack welcomed her into the car when she was picked up from school with this statement, "So, here's the deal... where's my cinnamon twists?" LOL.

Rotten

(Dad farts in front of 3-year-old son, Isaac)
Isaac: Daddy your butt is rotten!!

Stephanie H., Fremont, CA

Lucky to be a girl

7 year old student: I am lucky to be a girl because if I was a boy I would pee in the toilet the wrong way.

-Nicole G, Walnut Creek, CA

Pirate's Booty

3-year-old asking for a snack: Mom, I want some pirate's buttcrack.
Mom: Huh?
3-year-old: The bag we just bought from Costco.
Mom: Oh, you mean Pirate's Booty. LOL.

po-Tatum

My baby girl's name is Tatum. Her 3-year-old friend calls her "po-Tatum" (like potatoe). -Sarah M., Seattle, WA

Wash-Mc-Clean

3-year-old: You found my shark towel! Where was it?
Mom: It was in the laundry and now it's clean.
3-year-old: Oh! It was in the wash-mc-clean? (a.k.a. washing machine)

KMart Smart

Out of nowhere my 3-year-old decided it was important to tell me:

"Mom, there's smart and then there's KMart smart, right? That's what the blue lightbulb said."

Oh the power of advertising!

Hypopisis

5-year-old Cole: "I have a hypopisis".
Mom: "What's that?"
Cole: "An idea you can test"
Mom: "Ohhh, a hypothesis!" (Oh, thank you Dinosaur Train Show)
Cole: "Yes, I have a hyPOPisis that you take marshmallows & squish chocolate chips in da middle, den cook it. I tink it will taste guuuuud...".
Mom: How would you cook it?"
Cole: "Microwave."

With a convo like that, how can I not let her test it out? When I asked her where she got this idea, she said she could smell the roasting of marshmallows outside (as there's still ample snow outside, I have no idea where she smelled something roasting on a fire), that reminded her of roasting marshmallows at the cottage.

So we did get marshmallows & poke chocolate chips in the centre, then microwaved them for a few seconds. To her delight, the marshmallows puffed out like clouds as they spun in the microwave.

Conclusion of Cole's hypopisis: "YUMMM!!!".
Cole: "Did you like my hyPOPisis Mummy? It's good huh?"

- SSC, Toronto, ON, CANADA

Controlling Time

I heard this story from my good friend's mom... When he was younger, there was a show he loved that came on at 3P everyday. Sometimes because time moves ever so slowly when you're an impatient little kid, he would jump up on top of the TV (remember those huge console TVs) and reach up to the hands of the clock (located above the TV) to arrange the dials to display 3P. Unfortunately, this didn't trick the TV to play his show. Nonetheless, very creative thinking!

Illustrating

My then 5-year-old was really frustrated because she couldn't tie her shoe laces. Her reaction: "Mom, this is SO illustrating!"