Only daddy can say bad words

Mom: What an a**!
3-year-old: Mom, don't say that again. That's a bad word. Only daddy can say bad words.

I'm the smartest

Uncle Eric: Will, are you the strongest kid in your class? 6-year-old
Will: I don't want to be the strongest kid, cause the strongest has the biggest muscles and if you have the biggest muscles, you're the slowest. But I am the smartest. (He says this so matter of factly.)

-Rennie B., Hayward, CA

I'm a Big Girl Now

Tomorrow is Niobe's 5th Bday.... and today she said to me: "Mom as of tomorrow I'm no longer a kid. I'll be a big girl so please don't call me a kid anymore".

- Panela N., San Leandro, CA

Susus

#3: How are my "susus" going to get bigger?
Mom: They'll get bigger as you get bigger.
#3: And then I'll get to wear a bra?
Mom: Yes.
#3: YAY!

She's three years old....pray for me.

- Trish A., So. California

Big Sis

Grandpa: Are you excited to be a big sister?
2 1/2-year-old
Addi: Yes
Grandpa: What are you going to do with him?
Addi: He's gonna cry and I'm gonna sing to him.

(She doesn't realize how true that is! Or does she?!)

Marie I., San Leandro, CA

Ennui

8-year-old at dinner said she knew the word "Ennui". I asked her to use in a sentence. "When my mom makes me wear matching socks, I am filled with a sense of ennui." (She loves mix-matching her socks).

Sally J., Seattle, WA

(How many adults had to look that word up? I know I did!)

en·nui (ŏn-wē', ŏn'wē)
n. Listlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from lack of interest; boredom: "The servants relieved their ennui with gambling and gossip about their masters" (John Barth).

Match.com

8-year-old Jaylah: I wanna meet someone on match.com.
Mom: You know, that's an online dating service?!
Jaylah: Yeah! I'd like to meet someone about 9 or 10.
Mom: (What the heck???)

Laura A., Pleasanton, CA

Mmmm is for Candy

4-year-old Logan and I were talking about what sound the letter "M" makes. I asked him for a word that started with that sound. He said "candy". Huh???? He then said "as in Mmmmmmmm......candy". Hilarious.

Tifanie M., Lafayette, CA

Not So Sexy Mama

I was in the car with my then 4-year-old daughter, Aisley (on her way to school). A girlfriend called while we were in the car to ask if she can take me to lunch.

Aisley: Mommy, who's that?
Mom: Your auntie wants to take me to lunch.
Aisley: You're gonna change first before you go, like night time?
Mom: (Confused look)
Aisley: When you have lunch, you're gonna change so you're sexy like night time when you go out?

I finally figured out what she was trying to tell me. I was in my gym clothes (shorts, a T-Shirt, flip-flops, hair in a pony tail without make-up) and she didn't think it was appropriate to look like this if I was going out to lunch with someone. So, she reminded me to change my outfit to look more presentable -- in her words, "sexy". Who would have known that my little 4-year-old was already lookin' out for her mom.

I promised her I would change my outfit before I went out to lunch that day.

No feet

While playing with clay on a table, a round piece accidentally dropped on the floor and started rolling under the couch...

Ninang: Oh no, the clay is running away!
3-yr-old Ella (with a raised brow, quips): But it has no feet!

-Maricar, Toronto, ON, CANADA

Good Morning Time

2-year-old Trinity's routine AM question: "Mommy, is it good morning time?"

- Liza M., Union City, CA

TGIF!

My 7-year-old might be on to something. She wishes that Saturday and Sunday were for school/work and we had five day weekends instead. Brilliant!

-Tracy R., Toronto, ON, CANADA

She's NOT wearing anything!

While watching a DVD of one of Mariah Carey's concerts. (Mariah, while singing, was clad in a revealing bra-like top and short-shorts.)

Ninang (a.k.a. Godmother): Ella, look at her; what is she wearing?
3-year-old Ella: She's NOT wearing anything!

-Maricar, Toronto, ON, CANADA

iTouch

For the first time in my life, I heard a 2-yr old say: "Daddy, daddy... uh, iTouch... iTouch... iTouch Daddy." So I handed it to her and she unlocked it! I could never do that when I was 2!

- Henry H., Daly City, CA

Shove up!

My brother at perhaps age 2, talking to a woman in KMart: "Hey, shove up yady!" He meant, "Hey, shut UP, lady!"

- Nikkol B., Walnut Creek, CA

Blueberry

In the car with 8-year-old Rayanne...

Rayanne: Mom are you still planning to get a "blueberry"?

Mom: A what?

Rayanne: You know a blueberry cell phone.

Mom: You mean a blackberry.

Rayanne: Oh ya.

Mom: No.

- Rennie B., Hayward, CA

(Side note: Actually, in Asia, there is a Blackberry-like phone called a "Blueberry".)

Transformers (explicit)

Dad and 4-year-old daughter, Niobe, watching the Transformers movie...

Dad (pointing at Megatron): Niobe, do you know who that is?
Niobe: Yea!
(Dad proud that his daughter knows who Megatron is.)
Niobe: It's Ni**atron!

* = the letter "g"

- Isaiah N., Oakland, CA
(Isaiah, Niobe's dad, is African American.) :-)

L-Bone

Uncle accidently hits niece on her elbow...

Niece: Ouch! You just hit my L-bone!

- Kwane N., Oakland, CA

Pacific

I ask my 7-year-old to get something for me, but she doesn't know what I'm asking for so she says (so matter-of-factly): "Mom, you should be more PACIFIC!"

Tracy R., Toronto, ON, CANADA

Favorite TV Show

While watching 'Toopy & Binoo', a cartoon show, on TV...

Dad (trying to make 'interesting' conversation with 3-year-old Ella): Oh wow, Toopy and Binoo is on! I love this show, it's my favorite!

3-year-old Ella: That's not your favorite! Your favorite is NEWS (ie, channel CP24 here in Toronto).

-Maricar, Toronto, ON, CANADA

Kissies

Dad: (Kisses son)
3-year-old: Dad, why do you kiss me all the time?
Dad: 'Cause I love you.

...5 minutes pass

3-year-old: (Kisses dad)
Dad: Why do you kiss ME all the time?
3-year-old: 'Cause I love you.

Death Meat

3-year-old watching his dad play a video game: "Dad, you're death meat!"

Bartering Skills

My (18-month-old) son, Dallas has major bartering skills. The twins (Bricyn and Dallas) were fighting over the broom (to help mommy sweep) and of course Bricyn "the bully" wins.

Dallas cries, then he sits there (I can see him thinking) he goes and grabs a binky, puts it in his mouth, then grabs another binky which he takes over to Bricyn, holds the binky out and Bricyn hands over the broom for the binky!! Dang...that kid is good!!

Alicyn C., Sacramento, CA

Stop talking and listen to me...

My husband and I were discussing a new show I really liked. My 3-year-old, in the meantime, was intent on disrupting our conversation to ask his question. I ignored him for a few seconds (we're trying to teach him not to disrupt conversations and wait until the person is done talking.) Finally, when he couldn't wait anymore, he took his hand and covered my mouth as I was talking so I would shut up and listen to him.

I guess that's one way to get my attention.

Just listen!

In the car, listening to songs on the way home...

Tyler: "Mommy, can you NOT sing the next song...just listen!"

- Maureen T., Newark, CA

McDonald's

5-year-old Mary: "I wish McDonald's was our neighbor."

Brian S., Seattle, WA

One, two, skip a few...

Here's one from my 11-year-old nephew this past weekend. I jokingly offered him a beer which he tried to grab. I said, "Not til you're 21." He replies, "One, two, skip a few, 21. Now give me the beer."

Needless to say, his cleverness did not earn him a beer. Good try.

-Christine C., California

I love the park so much...

A friend of mine works for the Dublin Parks and Community Services Department (www.dublinrecguide.com). They had the kids create a Valentine's Day card dedicated to their favorite park in Dublin. This one was just so adorable, I had to share. Yay for Parks!

Your Breath Stinks

Sister: (farts)
3-year-old: Ewwww... go brush your teeth. Your breath stinks.

My Nards!

3-year-old (irritated with dad): Dad, you're getting on my nards!! (i.e. nerves)

Human Beans

Dad: You're a human being.
3-year-old: I'm not a human beans!!!

Transhuman

This one’s from my know-it-all 10-year-old daughter. She always comes home from school telling me about “news” she’s heard from her friends. And of course, the “news” is always a bit inaccurate. Here’s her account of news about South African sprinter, Caster Semanya:

Mom - Did you hear about that runner with man parts? She’s “transparent”… I mean “transhuman”.

Of course, after enjoying her innocence for a few minutes, we corrected her and let her know the correct word is “transsexual”.

I want to be a policeman

3-year-old: Mom, I want to be a police man when I grow up, but I won’t kill anyone.

Elisinated

My 3-yr-old made up his own word that he uses all the time: “Elisinated” I think it means irritated. For example he just said, “My dad’s making me elisinated”.

Gradawaited

New made up word from my 3-year-old: gradawaited… Definition: very excited… In context: ‘I’m so gradawaited!’ (He was excited to see his sister make a batch of cupcakes.)

Smell My Breath

3-year-old: Mom, smell my breath. It smells good.
Mom: Oh, you brushed your teeth?
3-year-old: No, I took a bath.