Dad in a Bad Mood

‎4 y.o. Ison (after observing his dad in a foul mood): My dad's being a sore lunatic.

San Francisco

(While driving through downtown San Francisco, 11 y.o. Aisley rolls down the car window...)
Aisley: Oh, the smell of San Francisco...
4 y.o. Ison: It smells like poop!

Love & Marriage

3 y.o. Addi: I want to marry my brother
Mom: You can't marry your brother. He's your brother.
Addi: Then I want to marry my daddy.
Mom: You can't marry your daddy... Wait. What do you think marry means?
Addi: You kiss and the boy brings you flowers.

Marie I., San Leandro, CA

Happy Heart

‎4 y.o. Osiris: My heart felt like laughing and so I laughed. It must have been happy or something.

Beverly P., Union City, CA

Drama Queen

Mom: You're acting like a drama queen.
3 y.o. Addi: I'm a Drama PRINCESS!!!

Marie I, San Leandro, CA

Pumpkins are made of...

4. y.o. Ison: I know what pumpkins are made of!!
Mom: What are they made of?
Ison: Oranges!

Miracle of Life

4 y.o. Osiris: Mom, how did I fit in your belly when I was a baby?
Mom: You were very little.
Osiris: How did I come out?
Mom: (Deep sigh... should I tell him?) OK...well, you came out of my .
Osiris: Ouch! Did it hurt?
Mom: Yes, baby it did.
Osiris (Holding mom's hand: Mom, I'm so very sorry I hurt you.

Beverly P., Union City, CA

Abs

Mom: Ison, you gotta stop playing Wii in a little bit cause I need the TV for my workout.
4-year-old Ison: Oh, I know why you wanna workout. Cause you want abs.

Sesame Street Takes on Old Spice Commercial

Not the typical Kid Babble post, but we thought this was adorable...

Callerpitars

‎4 yo Ison: Mom, I know what "callerpitars" turn into.
Mom: Oh yea? What?
Ison: A butterfly!
Mom: Where'd you learn that?
Ison: A commercial.

Monsters: Watch Out for this 3-year-old!

Anatomy

‎4 yo Ison: Mom, does everyone have butt cheeks?

Mom: I think so...

911

The police showed up at my dad's house last week unexpectedly. Apparently, a 911 call came from his house. My dad tells the officer it's only him and his grandson at home so the officer asks Jericho, "Did you call 911, son?" Jericho responds confidently, "Yes. I wanted to see if I knew how to dial 911 correctly."

Marianne, California

My nuts!

‎4-yr. old daughter, after bumping into one of the seats in the mini-van, hops out of the car howling: "OOOW! My nuts!!"

Mom: Clearly the effects of living with 3 brothers is taking its toll. I need to find her more girlfriends....

-Brandy, Connecticut

Hambooger

‎2-year-old Addison (matter of factly): I have boogers in my eyes because I ate a hambooger today.

Marie I., San Leandro, CA

Michael Jackson

‎3-year-old: Mom, Michael Jackson looks like a girl.

Marry me...

‎3-year-old son: Mom, I wish I could marry you.
Mom: Why?
3-year-old: 'Cause I love you!

Go fly a kite!

I told my boys to go fly a kite. After a couple of hours, I was wondering what they were doing out in the garage. . . . . they were making a kite out of an empty Miller Lite thirty-pack case. Best kite ever.

- Renee, Pennsylvania

Capitol of California

My sister-in law asked my niece, "What is the capitol of California?" She yelled out exhuberantly "C"! Technically she is right, the capital letter of California is C.

-Kat, California

Kind apple

3-year-old: Mom, I want some juice.
Mom: What kind of juice?
3-year-old: Kind apple (a.k.a. pineapple)

Scratchy...

Mom: Please get your hand out of your pants.
3-year-old: But, Mom... my nuts are scratchy!

Wal-Mart

Just a lil clue that my lil boy watches too
much TV...
3-year-old: Mom, where'd you go?
Mom: Wal-Mart.
3-year-old: Like this? "Save money. Live Better. Wal-Mart?"

Fat Mom

My 3-year-old son just looked up at me as I was walking up the stairs and yelled, "You're fat mom!" LOL. Being close to 7 mos. pregnant, I can't argue with him.

So here's the deal...

3-year-old annoyed thinking that his big sister took his treat to school for snack welcomed her into the car when she was picked up from school with this statement, "So, here's the deal... where's my cinnamon twists?" LOL.

Rotten

(Dad farts in front of 3-year-old son, Isaac)
Isaac: Daddy your butt is rotten!!

Stephanie H., Fremont, CA

Lucky to be a girl

7 year old student: I am lucky to be a girl because if I was a boy I would pee in the toilet the wrong way.

-Nicole G, Walnut Creek, CA

Pirate's Booty

3-year-old asking for a snack: Mom, I want some pirate's buttcrack.
Mom: Huh?
3-year-old: The bag we just bought from Costco.
Mom: Oh, you mean Pirate's Booty. LOL.

po-Tatum

My baby girl's name is Tatum. Her 3-year-old friend calls her "po-Tatum" (like potatoe). -Sarah M., Seattle, WA

Wash-Mc-Clean

3-year-old: You found my shark towel! Where was it?
Mom: It was in the laundry and now it's clean.
3-year-old: Oh! It was in the wash-mc-clean? (a.k.a. washing machine)

KMart Smart

Out of nowhere my 3-year-old decided it was important to tell me:

"Mom, there's smart and then there's KMart smart, right? That's what the blue lightbulb said."

Oh the power of advertising!

Hypopisis

5-year-old Cole: "I have a hypopisis".
Mom: "What's that?"
Cole: "An idea you can test"
Mom: "Ohhh, a hypothesis!" (Oh, thank you Dinosaur Train Show)
Cole: "Yes, I have a hyPOPisis that you take marshmallows & squish chocolate chips in da middle, den cook it. I tink it will taste guuuuud...".
Mom: How would you cook it?"
Cole: "Microwave."

With a convo like that, how can I not let her test it out? When I asked her where she got this idea, she said she could smell the roasting of marshmallows outside (as there's still ample snow outside, I have no idea where she smelled something roasting on a fire), that reminded her of roasting marshmallows at the cottage.

So we did get marshmallows & poke chocolate chips in the centre, then microwaved them for a few seconds. To her delight, the marshmallows puffed out like clouds as they spun in the microwave.

Conclusion of Cole's hypopisis: "YUMMM!!!".
Cole: "Did you like my hyPOPisis Mummy? It's good huh?"

- SSC, Toronto, ON, CANADA

Controlling Time

I heard this story from my good friend's mom... When he was younger, there was a show he loved that came on at 3P everyday. Sometimes because time moves ever so slowly when you're an impatient little kid, he would jump up on top of the TV (remember those huge console TVs) and reach up to the hands of the clock (located above the TV) to arrange the dials to display 3P. Unfortunately, this didn't trick the TV to play his show. Nonetheless, very creative thinking!

Illustrating

My then 5-year-old was really frustrated because she couldn't tie her shoe laces. Her reaction: "Mom, this is SO illustrating!"

Only daddy can say bad words

Mom: What an a**!
3-year-old: Mom, don't say that again. That's a bad word. Only daddy can say bad words.

I'm the smartest

Uncle Eric: Will, are you the strongest kid in your class? 6-year-old
Will: I don't want to be the strongest kid, cause the strongest has the biggest muscles and if you have the biggest muscles, you're the slowest. But I am the smartest. (He says this so matter of factly.)

-Rennie B., Hayward, CA

I'm a Big Girl Now

Tomorrow is Niobe's 5th Bday.... and today she said to me: "Mom as of tomorrow I'm no longer a kid. I'll be a big girl so please don't call me a kid anymore".

- Panela N., San Leandro, CA

Susus

#3: How are my "susus" going to get bigger?
Mom: They'll get bigger as you get bigger.
#3: And then I'll get to wear a bra?
Mom: Yes.
#3: YAY!

She's three years old....pray for me.

- Trish A., So. California

Big Sis

Grandpa: Are you excited to be a big sister?
2 1/2-year-old
Addi: Yes
Grandpa: What are you going to do with him?
Addi: He's gonna cry and I'm gonna sing to him.

(She doesn't realize how true that is! Or does she?!)

Marie I., San Leandro, CA

Ennui

8-year-old at dinner said she knew the word "Ennui". I asked her to use in a sentence. "When my mom makes me wear matching socks, I am filled with a sense of ennui." (She loves mix-matching her socks).

Sally J., Seattle, WA

(How many adults had to look that word up? I know I did!)

en·nui (ŏn-wē', ŏn'wē)
n. Listlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from lack of interest; boredom: "The servants relieved their ennui with gambling and gossip about their masters" (John Barth).

Match.com

8-year-old Jaylah: I wanna meet someone on match.com.
Mom: You know, that's an online dating service?!
Jaylah: Yeah! I'd like to meet someone about 9 or 10.
Mom: (What the heck???)

Laura A., Pleasanton, CA

Mmmm is for Candy

4-year-old Logan and I were talking about what sound the letter "M" makes. I asked him for a word that started with that sound. He said "candy". Huh???? He then said "as in Mmmmmmmm......candy". Hilarious.

Tifanie M., Lafayette, CA

Not So Sexy Mama

I was in the car with my then 4-year-old daughter, Aisley (on her way to school). A girlfriend called while we were in the car to ask if she can take me to lunch.

Aisley: Mommy, who's that?
Mom: Your auntie wants to take me to lunch.
Aisley: You're gonna change first before you go, like night time?
Mom: (Confused look)
Aisley: When you have lunch, you're gonna change so you're sexy like night time when you go out?

I finally figured out what she was trying to tell me. I was in my gym clothes (shorts, a T-Shirt, flip-flops, hair in a pony tail without make-up) and she didn't think it was appropriate to look like this if I was going out to lunch with someone. So, she reminded me to change my outfit to look more presentable -- in her words, "sexy". Who would have known that my little 4-year-old was already lookin' out for her mom.

I promised her I would change my outfit before I went out to lunch that day.

No feet

While playing with clay on a table, a round piece accidentally dropped on the floor and started rolling under the couch...

Ninang: Oh no, the clay is running away!
3-yr-old Ella (with a raised brow, quips): But it has no feet!

-Maricar, Toronto, ON, CANADA

Good Morning Time

2-year-old Trinity's routine AM question: "Mommy, is it good morning time?"

- Liza M., Union City, CA

TGIF!

My 7-year-old might be on to something. She wishes that Saturday and Sunday were for school/work and we had five day weekends instead. Brilliant!

-Tracy R., Toronto, ON, CANADA

She's NOT wearing anything!

While watching a DVD of one of Mariah Carey's concerts. (Mariah, while singing, was clad in a revealing bra-like top and short-shorts.)

Ninang (a.k.a. Godmother): Ella, look at her; what is she wearing?
3-year-old Ella: She's NOT wearing anything!

-Maricar, Toronto, ON, CANADA

iTouch

For the first time in my life, I heard a 2-yr old say: "Daddy, daddy... uh, iTouch... iTouch... iTouch Daddy." So I handed it to her and she unlocked it! I could never do that when I was 2!

- Henry H., Daly City, CA

Shove up!

My brother at perhaps age 2, talking to a woman in KMart: "Hey, shove up yady!" He meant, "Hey, shut UP, lady!"

- Nikkol B., Walnut Creek, CA

Blueberry

In the car with 8-year-old Rayanne...

Rayanne: Mom are you still planning to get a "blueberry"?

Mom: A what?

Rayanne: You know a blueberry cell phone.

Mom: You mean a blackberry.

Rayanne: Oh ya.

Mom: No.

- Rennie B., Hayward, CA

(Side note: Actually, in Asia, there is a Blackberry-like phone called a "Blueberry".)

Transformers (explicit)

Dad and 4-year-old daughter, Niobe, watching the Transformers movie...

Dad (pointing at Megatron): Niobe, do you know who that is?
Niobe: Yea!
(Dad proud that his daughter knows who Megatron is.)
Niobe: It's Ni**atron!

* = the letter "g"

- Isaiah N., Oakland, CA
(Isaiah, Niobe's dad, is African American.) :-)

L-Bone

Uncle accidently hits niece on her elbow...

Niece: Ouch! You just hit my L-bone!

- Kwane N., Oakland, CA

Pacific

I ask my 7-year-old to get something for me, but she doesn't know what I'm asking for so she says (so matter-of-factly): "Mom, you should be more PACIFIC!"

Tracy R., Toronto, ON, CANADA

Favorite TV Show

While watching 'Toopy & Binoo', a cartoon show, on TV...

Dad (trying to make 'interesting' conversation with 3-year-old Ella): Oh wow, Toopy and Binoo is on! I love this show, it's my favorite!

3-year-old Ella: That's not your favorite! Your favorite is NEWS (ie, channel CP24 here in Toronto).

-Maricar, Toronto, ON, CANADA

Kissies

Dad: (Kisses son)
3-year-old: Dad, why do you kiss me all the time?
Dad: 'Cause I love you.

...5 minutes pass

3-year-old: (Kisses dad)
Dad: Why do you kiss ME all the time?
3-year-old: 'Cause I love you.

Death Meat

3-year-old watching his dad play a video game: "Dad, you're death meat!"

Bartering Skills

My (18-month-old) son, Dallas has major bartering skills. The twins (Bricyn and Dallas) were fighting over the broom (to help mommy sweep) and of course Bricyn "the bully" wins.

Dallas cries, then he sits there (I can see him thinking) he goes and grabs a binky, puts it in his mouth, then grabs another binky which he takes over to Bricyn, holds the binky out and Bricyn hands over the broom for the binky!! Dang...that kid is good!!

Alicyn C., Sacramento, CA

Stop talking and listen to me...

My husband and I were discussing a new show I really liked. My 3-year-old, in the meantime, was intent on disrupting our conversation to ask his question. I ignored him for a few seconds (we're trying to teach him not to disrupt conversations and wait until the person is done talking.) Finally, when he couldn't wait anymore, he took his hand and covered my mouth as I was talking so I would shut up and listen to him.

I guess that's one way to get my attention.

Just listen!

In the car, listening to songs on the way home...

Tyler: "Mommy, can you NOT sing the next song...just listen!"

- Maureen T., Newark, CA

McDonald's

5-year-old Mary: "I wish McDonald's was our neighbor."

Brian S., Seattle, WA

One, two, skip a few...

Here's one from my 11-year-old nephew this past weekend. I jokingly offered him a beer which he tried to grab. I said, "Not til you're 21." He replies, "One, two, skip a few, 21. Now give me the beer."

Needless to say, his cleverness did not earn him a beer. Good try.

-Christine C., California

I love the park so much...

A friend of mine works for the Dublin Parks and Community Services Department (www.dublinrecguide.com). They had the kids create a Valentine's Day card dedicated to their favorite park in Dublin. This one was just so adorable, I had to share. Yay for Parks!

Your Breath Stinks

Sister: (farts)
3-year-old: Ewwww... go brush your teeth. Your breath stinks.

My Nards!

3-year-old (irritated with dad): Dad, you're getting on my nards!! (i.e. nerves)

Human Beans

Dad: You're a human being.
3-year-old: I'm not a human beans!!!

Transhuman

This one’s from my know-it-all 10-year-old daughter. She always comes home from school telling me about “news” she’s heard from her friends. And of course, the “news” is always a bit inaccurate. Here’s her account of news about South African sprinter, Caster Semanya:

Mom - Did you hear about that runner with man parts? She’s “transparent”… I mean “transhuman”.

Of course, after enjoying her innocence for a few minutes, we corrected her and let her know the correct word is “transsexual”.

I want to be a policeman

3-year-old: Mom, I want to be a police man when I grow up, but I won’t kill anyone.

Elisinated

My 3-yr-old made up his own word that he uses all the time: “Elisinated” I think it means irritated. For example he just said, “My dad’s making me elisinated”.

Gradawaited

New made up word from my 3-year-old: gradawaited… Definition: very excited… In context: ‘I’m so gradawaited!’ (He was excited to see his sister make a batch of cupcakes.)

Smell My Breath

3-year-old: Mom, smell my breath. It smells good.
Mom: Oh, you brushed your teeth?
3-year-old: No, I took a bath.